I haven’t checked the Christmas TV schedules, but I would be staggered if the film Love Actually doesn’t appear somewhere on the festive screenings in the next week. And I’m not ashamed to say that alongside It’s A Wonderful Life, that film nearly always has me in tears when I watch it.
There are many memorable quotes in the film. There are the ones which feature on the cards that Andrew Lincoln’s character shows to Keira Knightley’s character ‘without hope or agenda’. Then there’s the one in the Christmas card to Hugh Grant’s Prime Minister just after his little dance at Number 10 which simply says ‘…if you can’t say it at Christmas, when can you eh’?
So, as it’s now Christmas… I’ve mentioned before that honesty has become a big thing with me. In recent years it has driven me nuts when people are dishonest, or I suspect them of lying. It’s probably not healthy for me. Because actually, when it comes down to it, sometimes people may have good cause to lie or at least hide the truth. To protect themselves or protect others. It is no accident perhaps that dishonesty is not considered to be one of the seven deadly sins.
And after all, don’t a lot of us tell quite a big lie to our kids about a man with a big white beard at this time of the year?! I want to trust people. We all do really. Like so many of us, I’ve been let down by people in the past, but the only thing to do is get back out there and connect again. We have to trust but be wary, to protect ourselves for the next time. It’s a difficult balancing act.
And as I’ve hinted heavily before I am also no saint. I suggested at the beginning of this weekly blog challenge that one of my motives for getting involved with this charity back in 2012, and perhaps even subconsciously at the time, was to prove to other people – and myself – that I was a good citizen, an honest person, wanting to help the community like others I saw around me.
In hindsight, part of that was probably driven by guilt, as I saw it, for my past misdemeanours. I originally drafted this penultimate blog of the year with the intention of opening up, a big reveal: some form of public penance. It would have drawn attention to our site and, if it had been posted, it might have gone viral. But it would’ve been for all the wrong reasons. And actually, I don’t want that. It wouldn’t have been fair on others involved and on my fellow trustees here.
One advantage of being involved in theatre, as I have been for almost two decades now, albeit mainly amateur, or other creative and performing arts is that they do give you an opportunity sometimes to tell stories about real life without necessarily naming names, although I find the best dramatists are often very good at bringing out the humanity of real historical people – the recently concluded TV series ‘Wolf Hall: The Mirror and the Light’ being an excellent example.
I’m planning to spend more time writing, producing, directing (and some more acting) over the coming years and maybe I’ll tell some of my stories that way. This blog has been a useful test ground for that but ultimately, it’s not the right medium for some personal stories and I offer my apologies if they’ve ever appeared sanctimonious, or full of hand wringing and self-indulgence.
I started the column this week talking about the romantic comedy, Love Actually. The reason for that was originally to draw a clumsy link to my personal story. In reality, there are other more appropriate films for that which would have helped explain how crazy love can be, my guilt and subsequent obsession with honesty and desire to open up. That story will not now be told here.
But I’ve left it in because for me it’s still a touching film which reflects many different facets in our desire for connection which we all need periodically, especially at this time of the year. And because, like most of you I suspect, I still believe in love, actually. Merry Christmas everyone.