It’s always struck me that one way that society can be identified is those that end up having children and those that, for whatever reason, do not, although there are of course those who adopt or foster. And this can have a big impact on the way we engage within our community.
When you have children, your life changes fundamentally. Whatever you’ve read or heard from your parents or friends, the experience of bringing one or more children into the world changes everything. Nothing prepares you for the responsibility that comes with it and (in most cases) the unconditional love and connection that you feel for your offspring, throughout your life.
The reverse relationship with our own parents is different of course. It starts with loving and respecting our parents for their wisdom and status and the love they offer to you. In time that changes and matures as children grow wise themselves and more influenced by their peers and whatever is going on in the world at that time. A world that can then become alien to older generations, particularly as technology marches on apace. Which of us oldies haven’t at some time given their iPhone to a child to sort out?!
Sometimes children move away but having your family around you as you get older can be a great support. When I moved back to Wimbledon in my early 30s it was a bonus having my mother close by to support us when we were bringing up our son, particularly after his autism diagnosis. But now that he’s 25 and my mother is 87 the nature of that relationship and those responsibilities change. When I hear of people whose parents are on the other side of the country, or overseas in Europe or beyond in another continent, it makes me realise quite how fortunate I am to have family closer to home – my two brothers and their families are also only about an hour or so away by car or train.
In generations gone by – and in some cultures still – having a local family bond was / is important but there is no magic formula to these things. The communities we grow up in are an accident of our birth in many ways and as we grow up, we all have to make our own choices. Those of us with children often develop relationships with other parents when they are at primary school which can sometimes outstrip the relationships our children have with their peers. Having children can enable you to enmesh yourself in a community in a way that is less accessible to childless people.
Of course, our choices of work and social life can also dictate the demographic of the people we mix with. I worked for a consultancy for many years, where I was out with clients across the country much of the time. Since going self-employed over a decade ago and immersing myself in voluntary work I must admit I’ve lost contact with many of my former colleagues. However, I have been fortunate to develop some other friendships closer to home.
I’ve found that the local acting community is quite diverse in its age range and whilst it can be quite fluid with some of the younger generation moving on at the end of each individual acting project, there can sometimes be an intergenerational bond and continuity which survives for years. By way of example, I compare that with some other people that I’ve got to know at AFC Wimbledon, who have become supporters since 2002 and the start of the phoenix club – and before for some of us older Wimbledon FC fans!
As a local charity I can’t emphasise enough that we are here for everyone, regardless of your longevity or generational roots in the community and hopefully you’ll find people of similar – and varying – demographics to connect with amongst the many groups we continue to register here.