I pondered last week about the impact that having a child has on your life, the feelings that it throws up and the challenges. I’m very fortunate to have had one adorable son. I’ve also seen the pain of couples who want them but don’t, the challenges and joys of those people who have adopted and those who tragically lose their children early.
I also know people who have lost life partners earlier than might have been expected. And the trials and tribulations of finding a replacement – if that is indeed a desirable course of action – sometimes it’s not – particularly as we get older and more set in our ways.
All our experiences are different. And pain like joy is a personal thing. No one can know exactly what you’re going through. How we negotiate both is a lifelong challenge. I’m currently going through a difficult divorce process which at times seems insurmountable, but we battle on.
What I’ve come to realise recently is when you’re on your own (ie not in a relationship) life can throw more challenges at you. We all need our independence from time to time – and some people thrive on it – but if there’s someone there loving and supporting you it’s quite reassuring when times get rough. And you can take that relationship for granted sometimes.
In many ways all we are, is our feelings. We get so distracted by things we do that sometimes we forget that. The art of good communication is being able to express those feelings, otherwise we become more and more closed up and relationships can ultimately become untenable.
Obviously, there are other sources we can go to, friends, family, faith or professional services when times are tough. Some people turn to pets and other animals for that connection – not something I’ve looked to so far. But speaking personally, I’ve realised after decades of being in a couple it can actually be quite difficult being on your own. And that’s setting aside all the other practical stuff which the divorce process throws up.
When times appear bleak, we have to learn to enjoy the moments of joy and try to live in the present. The last couple of weeks have brought mixed emotions when my involvement in Carlton’s wonderful Shakespeare in Love production came to an end. But then I enjoyed an incredible night this Wednesday when AFC Wimbledon defeated Premier League opposition for the first time at the new Plough Lane, in the EFL Cup.
But life is also about planning ahead. I was reminded recently that having something to look forward to is important as well. I’ve now turned my attention to my part in ‘Animal Farm – The Sequel’ the premiere of which is being performed in a couple of months’ time at Wimbledon Studio. And on the football field there’s another home cup tie, this time against Newcastle, in the coming weeks to whet the appetites of local fans like me.
In the meantime, focusing on the practical front, I am having to think carefully ahead. When my wife and I separated, we used our resources to buy a new (but smaller) house for her and my son – with the intention of my turning the marital home into a bit of an actors’ refuge and haven and community asset alongside my Wimblecomm work.
This summer it was used extensively for acting projects which brought me a lot of joy, but I’ll be honest I’m struggling to see a vision for the project on my own. We all need the right people to collaborate with in life – so I have to think carefully where the coming months take me. Finding those rights people is a subject I will return to, perhaps, next time.